I just read through this entire post, and WOW. the way you worded everything really spoke to me, and i wholeheartedly agree that being kind and authentic is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!! I will choose to love no matter who is around me. whether they look at me with admiration or disdain. because i can - because i must.
every sentence in this essay resonated with my soul. I longed to understand detachment because I loved the idea of loving beyond the expectation of reciprocity. I wanted to love for the sake of love itself, not out of need. But I failed to see that nonchalance is not true detachment—not really. It’s just a way of maintaining control, a safeguard against the fear of things falling apart. In reality, it’s the very essence of attachment, to a predetermined outcome. And, dare I say, a waste of the human experience.
Thank you for writing this. It will definitely stay with me for a long time :)
The effort it takes to act nonchalant is VERY CHALANT so people just end up caring too much about the wrong things. Image and performance take the up more space than genuine enjoyment and humanity, its so sad to see
I love this essay so much. I genuinely feel inspired to make an effort to stop shrinking myself down. I've always been mega passionate about my interests, and have always felt like their wasn't room for my level of joy. Plus being a woman, it can feel like people are just holding their breath waiting for an excuse to label me as "too much."
I yearn to meet people who are completely unapologetic about their passions, but everyone is so guarded. I guess I just have to be that person.
It's all a consequence of mass consumerism and the incessant search of utility in everything and everyone. Words used to describe the problem like "brand", "curate", "display", "commodify" lead easily to its origin : mass production/mass consumption.
"A world where everyone is trying so hard to exude the impression that they don’t care that they end up forgetting how to care."
i feel like i forgot how to care. i was constantly made to feel like I'm too much until it got to a point that i adopted this avoidant/nonchalant persona and now it's hard to let go of. and it's scary truly. but idk, I can't say ive figured out how to go back to being unapologetically myself, but it's nice to know that what im feeling isn't so out of this world.
It's fascinating how discreetly society works. No one consciously chooses to conform to the unsaid norms of it, not always at least, but somehow everyone finds this invisible pressure weighed on them to follow what is deemed as better and cooler. 9 times out of 10 people won't blatantly scorn you for being expressive or caring yet we still fear the mere disapproving thought of a stranger.
This piece is so interesting and bold... I love it. I'm thinking what if the real reason behind living in detachment is because of fear.Personally I'm so scared of being open and vulnerable. Many times good people are thrown in a cage full of hungry wolves with no remorse. It becomes so hard to be yourself, because you live in a state of anxiety. I think it takes courage to continue being a good person after facing alot of diabolical people.
"I don’t want to perform my life - I want to live it." as someone who is a victim to the nonchalance epidemic, thank you for this essay. This put a lot of things into perspective <3
hii i loved this essay. i wanted to comment about the part on ig aesthetics and those comments that ask what aes. people are when they show off their curations. I think labels can be helpful in finding community, common ground, etc, and i feel like ppl often forget this. that is all :)
I'd like to share my thoughts on this as well. I personally think that in today's society that’s run primarily by social media, aesthetic curation and the like has become a double-edged sword because of the way it was conditioned to be. Every harmless ideas and stuff out there can escalate off quickly in social media as it often dramatizes pretty much everything. At one moment, something's being glorified by many, and then the next people detest it due to all possible reasons and influence. That's how it is with curating aesthetics—categorizing and labelling stuff like “x–core”. In reality though, labels help us navigate through life.
This is what social media has taught me as well—to not take everything beyond face value or knowing when to genuinely care or not😅
my sister told me to “master detachment” in order to save myself from hurt. but why are we so avoidant of pain?? I mean like honestly it’s a crime to put in effort and care, pretending to not is such a waste of time and it’s exhausting!! It’s slowly creeping into other parts of my life as well, if everything is obsolete then why try? people reading this should know: it’s ok to cry, feel, know, not know, have taste and hobbies, to be cringe and authentic, to have “average “ parts about yourself, to be boring or ugly at times. media has killed so many things. Thank you so much for writing this, it needed to be said and I NEEDED someone to say it.
I am new to Substack and decided to make my profile anonymous out of fear of the vulnerability that comes with trying something new, and so honest at that. It's difficult to give yourself to other people in this way, we are hardwired to fear judgement. So I really needed to hear this.
I appreciate your beautiful words, and hopefully, I can accept myself a bit more because of them. Who knows, maybe one day I'll be able to be unapologetically myself. For now, putting my thoughts out there is a start, even if I am doing it anonymously.
don’t worry- starting somewhere is what matters!! i’m writing under a nickname too rn 🫣 but someday soon i’ll change it up and i hope you’ll manage to as well 💕
I just read through this entire post, and WOW. the way you worded everything really spoke to me, and i wholeheartedly agree that being kind and authentic is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!! I will choose to love no matter who is around me. whether they look at me with admiration or disdain. because i can - because i must.
every sentence in this essay resonated with my soul. I longed to understand detachment because I loved the idea of loving beyond the expectation of reciprocity. I wanted to love for the sake of love itself, not out of need. But I failed to see that nonchalance is not true detachment—not really. It’s just a way of maintaining control, a safeguard against the fear of things falling apart. In reality, it’s the very essence of attachment, to a predetermined outcome. And, dare I say, a waste of the human experience.
Thank you for writing this. It will definitely stay with me for a long time :)
‘A waste of the human experience’ really opened my eyes. Damn.
The effort it takes to act nonchalant is VERY CHALANT so people just end up caring too much about the wrong things. Image and performance take the up more space than genuine enjoyment and humanity, its so sad to see
I love this essay so much. I genuinely feel inspired to make an effort to stop shrinking myself down. I've always been mega passionate about my interests, and have always felt like their wasn't room for my level of joy. Plus being a woman, it can feel like people are just holding their breath waiting for an excuse to label me as "too much."
I yearn to meet people who are completely unapologetic about their passions, but everyone is so guarded. I guess I just have to be that person.
It's all a consequence of mass consumerism and the incessant search of utility in everything and everyone. Words used to describe the problem like "brand", "curate", "display", "commodify" lead easily to its origin : mass production/mass consumption.
exactly what I came here to say!! a great example of how capitalism deteriorates individualism
"A world where everyone is trying so hard to exude the impression that they don’t care that they end up forgetting how to care."
i feel like i forgot how to care. i was constantly made to feel like I'm too much until it got to a point that i adopted this avoidant/nonchalant persona and now it's hard to let go of. and it's scary truly. but idk, I can't say ive figured out how to go back to being unapologetically myself, but it's nice to know that what im feeling isn't so out of this world.
Hi just wanted to pop in here to say that this essay is everything
It's fascinating how discreetly society works. No one consciously chooses to conform to the unsaid norms of it, not always at least, but somehow everyone finds this invisible pressure weighed on them to follow what is deemed as better and cooler. 9 times out of 10 people won't blatantly scorn you for being expressive or caring yet we still fear the mere disapproving thought of a stranger.
Exactly! Some "cool" things that emerge in the society are so discreet and people choosing to follow them is such a subconscious act
There's something so beautiful about caring that you perfectly wrote about
This piece is so interesting and bold... I love it. I'm thinking what if the real reason behind living in detachment is because of fear.Personally I'm so scared of being open and vulnerable. Many times good people are thrown in a cage full of hungry wolves with no remorse. It becomes so hard to be yourself, because you live in a state of anxiety. I think it takes courage to continue being a good person after facing alot of diabolical people.
"I don’t want to perform my life - I want to live it." as someone who is a victim to the nonchalance epidemic, thank you for this essay. This put a lot of things into perspective <3
hii i loved this essay. i wanted to comment about the part on ig aesthetics and those comments that ask what aes. people are when they show off their curations. I think labels can be helpful in finding community, common ground, etc, and i feel like ppl often forget this. that is all :)
yes, of course, finding community is so important!! this essay is somewhat satirised so i don’t mean to offend!! 💕
haha ofc not you didnt offend at all :)
I'd like to share my thoughts on this as well. I personally think that in today's society that’s run primarily by social media, aesthetic curation and the like has become a double-edged sword because of the way it was conditioned to be. Every harmless ideas and stuff out there can escalate off quickly in social media as it often dramatizes pretty much everything. At one moment, something's being glorified by many, and then the next people detest it due to all possible reasons and influence. That's how it is with curating aesthetics—categorizing and labelling stuff like “x–core”. In reality though, labels help us navigate through life.
This is what social media has taught me as well—to not take everything beyond face value or knowing when to genuinely care or not😅
This was SO beautiful. I just discovered your Substack (great name BTW) and can't stop reading ❤️
My favorite sentence:
> We sabotage what we crave because needing is embarrassing, and caring is cringe.
I was doubting to share something I wrote but fuck it. In the name of vulnerability, here it is: https://www.pablomusumeci.com/p/black-sheeps
This is pure beauty of words expressing such a beautiful thought!!
I have been waiting for your post and you have amazed me again
my sister told me to “master detachment” in order to save myself from hurt. but why are we so avoidant of pain?? I mean like honestly it’s a crime to put in effort and care, pretending to not is such a waste of time and it’s exhausting!! It’s slowly creeping into other parts of my life as well, if everything is obsolete then why try? people reading this should know: it’s ok to cry, feel, know, not know, have taste and hobbies, to be cringe and authentic, to have “average “ parts about yourself, to be boring or ugly at times. media has killed so many things. Thank you so much for writing this, it needed to be said and I NEEDED someone to say it.
"The era of the shrug is upon us" — I love.
I am new to Substack and decided to make my profile anonymous out of fear of the vulnerability that comes with trying something new, and so honest at that. It's difficult to give yourself to other people in this way, we are hardwired to fear judgement. So I really needed to hear this.
I appreciate your beautiful words, and hopefully, I can accept myself a bit more because of them. Who knows, maybe one day I'll be able to be unapologetically myself. For now, putting my thoughts out there is a start, even if I am doing it anonymously.
don’t worry- starting somewhere is what matters!! i’m writing under a nickname too rn 🫣 but someday soon i’ll change it up and i hope you’ll manage to as well 💕