the nonchalance epidemic

when did caring become lame?

There is a performance of indifference that seems to have infected everything. A collective brushing-off, a studied detachment, a calculated apathy. Enthusiasm is embarrassing; the safest thing is to be unmoved. We are training ourselves to care just enough to seem aware, but not enough to risk looking naïve.

This nonchalance is everywhere. We preface our interests with self-depreciation, as if to admit that we enjoy something without irony is to hand over a weapon to be used against us. Texts punctuated with a “lol” to soften the reality of sincerity, an “idk” to dodge commitment, the act of leaving someone on read as a power play. Instagram captions are dry to the point of parody, as if preemptively mocking the art of sharing itself. Vulnerability has become a liability, and detachment the default.

i am very much party to the text-suffixing

Which is why I say (with dejection) that the era of the shrug is upon us. One in which even to care too much about the news is unacceptable, no matter which way your political ideologies lie. The only acceptable sociopolitical stance is arms crossed, eyebrows raised, unimpressed. The news cycle itself moves too fast for sustained outrage; we burn through our empathy reserves in hours, then turn back to scrolling. Conversations are littered with dismissive quips, with a lingering suspicion that nothing will ever change, so why try? To express real, lasting concern is to risk exhausting the room. Better to make a joke and move on.

It sucks the life out of you, this unspoken agreement that nothing can be too important. It seeps into how we create, how we engage with the world, how we love. Reply times have to be carefully considered; not too fast, not too slow. You shouldn’t post too much (self-obsessed) nor too little (irrelevant). Your captions should be witty, yet effortless, enthusiasm measured, your presence felt - but not overwhelming. Every interaction is a calculation, a delicate balancing act between seeming interested and laid-back. Ironically, being this way takes far more conscious effort than authenticity - a constant performance of trying too hard. It strips joy down to something palatable, manageable, something small enough to hold in one hand - as long as you don’t grip too tightly and scare it off.

And what is all this effort for? For a vague sense of normalcy? To be liked (not loved)?That is the true tragedy of this epidemic - it hinders real, human connection. Relationships built on shared cynicism are volatile at best; nothing (and no one) is above being laughed at, rejected, if everything is a joke. We sabotage what we crave because needing is embarrassing, and caring is cringe.

Even hobbies are not safe. We curate our tastes based on what will signal the right kind of cool. ‘Curate’ itself as a word (one used so often these days) betrays the underlying expectation: that every interest must form a cohesive narrative, a brand, a self that ‘makes sense.’ Enjoying something earnestly is suspect; everything must be framed through a lens of irony or intellectual superiority. God forbid you admit to liking a pop song without dissecting its subversive cultural influence. God forbid you enjoy something simply because it makes you happy.

And yet, in this pursuit of tastefulness, of carefully assembled identities, we are desperate to be different—but not too different. An immense multiplicity of niche aesthetics continue to emerge in an attempt to be unique, yet still belong to a larger collective. Society is omniscient - conforming is key, and these niches help. Without fail, every time I come across someone online with their own aesthetic, their own sense of dressing and interacting with the world, the comments are flooded with “what’s this aesthetic called?!?” Hello??? Can we not have anything without the incessant, feral need for it to be labelled? Unique is unique is unique; why must we commodify everything?

The result of all this is a culture that is polished, but so hollow. A world where everyone is trying so hard to exude the impression that they don’t care that they end up forgetting how to care. We drift through life, avatars of our curated selves. And we wonder why nothing feels quite real.

But every now and then, someone breaks the script. Someone gives you a hug ‘just because’. Someone does something embarrassing and is unapologetic. Someone wears clothes that don’t ‘match’ but they’re so comfy. And you remember that life is not supposed to be lived in constant detachment.

I have never been so angry with society and the internet as I am with them for ruining caring.

The real antidote is to stop pretending. It is human to care, entirely robotic to be indifferent. I care about everything, perhaps even too deeply, and I am (we are) so full of love to give.

So, I am choosing to continue to care - loudly. Not cautiously, not ironically, not with the safety-net of a half-joke trailing behind my words. I am choosing to care fully, deeply, and without apology. I’m tired of tempering my joy to make it more palatable, less shocking, of softening my sincerity with self-depreciation, of filtering every expression of love or enthusiasm through layers of detachment. I don’t want to perform my life - I want to live it. Earnestly. Clumsily, sometimes. But wholly.

I will celebrate the music that moves me, not because it’s critically acclaimed or culturally subversive, but because it makes my heart beat. I will read the books that stay with me—not to assemble a shelf that signals intelligence, but because their words made me feel something. I will wear the clothes that bring me comfort or joy, even if they clash, even if they break some invisible rule of cool. I will tell my friends I love them, often and without the crutch of humor to lessen the weight of the words. I will reply to texts quickly if I feel like it, because I refuse to treat human connection like a game of emotional chess.

Or at least I am willing to try.

Because we as humans are made to care. And it is not our greatest flaw but our greatest strength.

kisses and hugs abound - i love you all !!!